he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize