he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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