I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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