she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
