im drinking this country out of the recession.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
