Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
