Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
