Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
bring money and cleavage
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
