1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
