Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
