Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize