So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
