So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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