I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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