Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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