six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
