you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
