the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
