If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize