Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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