$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize