careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
