Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
