I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
