So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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