I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
