A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
