What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
