the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
