Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
