Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
as a side note pls kill me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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