When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
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the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
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He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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