I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
