Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
