This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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