meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
