he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize