the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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