no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
