naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
