I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
