There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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