Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
