and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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