My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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