your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
