Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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