i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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