who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
