I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
