i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
