Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
