I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Randomize
