I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
