Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
