The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
