I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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