you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
well, you know. whores of a feather.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
