Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
