We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
