Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
