Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
