My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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