I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
