Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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