just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
