Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
