just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
