I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
