i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
