I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
