I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
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Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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