; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
