Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
